A Matter of Seconds

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I’m not typically one to ponder on the idea of “what if?”  I have often found that idea to cause more harm than good and never leads to happiness.

However, I experienced an event yesterday that made me stop and think about “what if”.  To elaborate, I came about 10 feet and a matter of two seconds from being either killed or horribly injured by a car tumbling through the air at about 40mph.  Witnessing something like a scene in a movie has led me to the “what if”s:

What if the jerk who didn’t let me over had?

What if I hadn’t hit that red light?

What if I didn’t take the few seconds to plug my phone into the charger?

What if I had left work a few seconds earlier?

What if the car had hit at a different angle and hit me anyway?

What if I were not typing this post right now?

I find these questions ponderous, because so much now seems to depend upon the matter of a few seconds, the actions of a few moments, the whims of an idle mind.  To be honest, I don’t know what…or maybe even who…saved me, but I praise the small miracle that has.

This event also caused me to think about my life.  If I hadn’t missed that car, would I have been satisfied with the life I had led?  Would I have left behind a legacy to be proud of? Did I accomplish all I had wanted?  The answers are not easy, but they are mostly, surprisingly, yes. Have I done all I want? No, but I will.

Dear readers, do me a favor. Think on your life. If you are happy and satisfied, then you are blessed and I am glad. But if you are not, which is okay to admit, then I challenge you to try to find and do what needs to be done to change your life for the good.

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Silence

Silence In, World Without
Silence In, World Without*

There are moments in life when the only sound you hear is that of a fan, a clock, and your beating heart.  I revel in those moments.  I live in a place of noise, work in a place of busy confusion, where if it is quiet, there is an issue.  Moments of silence come few and far between.  Don’t get me wrong, I love what I do and where I live, but I find myself craving just the sound of nothing but white noise.

Where I am from, there are vast expanses of nothingness.  Great fields at the heart of our nation that supply us with food and fuel.  Out there, you can see the stars. You can be alone. You can be in silence.  That is the feeling I miss, the one I crave.  I grew up with it…and being stuck in the world outside the window, where color and dreams lie, it makes my soul weary.  I feel as if I am the girl above, having pushed past the clock and made time my own.  But now I want back in.  That’s always the way though, isn’t it?  You get what you want…but you always want more, or you long to go back.

*Credit to the wonderful artist who gave me inspiration. The work is not my own, but thanks for letting me use it, dear artist on the interwebs.

Games

I don’t know if I’d call myself a gamer girl.  There are so many negative things being thrown around about women in the gaming industry that I think I’d rather just be known as a casual gamer.  Can I play the shit out of Dragon Age?  Yes.  Do I enjoy Life is Strange?  For sure.  Can I snipe your ass from 300 yards away in COD?  You bet that sweet head shot I can.

But here’s the thing.  I’m not hardcore.  I don’t game online and challenge people or play teamo or do MMOs.  I am a solo gamer.  I prefer whatever actions I do to have consequences for only myself.  Which makes it hard when I have a man in my life who only plays MOBAS or MMOs.  I understand the appeal to an introvert like him, but for an extrovert like me, team sports can both be fabulous and seriously suck.  My A-type personality does not compute with your Support/AD Carry bullshit.  I am a leader…but of my own pack.  Solo pack of one.  Am I willing to try out team bits?  Sure. Why not?  But are they my jam?  Probably not.  Enjoy your frustrations at your teammates and their lack of ability.  I’ll go rock Fallout on my own.

Welcome to My Realm of Experience

Dearest friends, lend me your eyes and your time.  My name is Meladriel, and this blog is for me.  I will write what I choose, I will share what I like, and I will publish at my leisure.  You may never know me, but if you happen upon this blog, you will experience my reality, my journey through this life.

I wish you well and hope that you will journey with me to places and words unknown.